Here it is April and I haven't made a post this year,
My new job keeps me away from the keyboard for up to 13 hours a day. By the time I get home and eat, it's bed time.
And there has been much thinking with little conclusiveness
There are posts I need to make:
1) the coming post-work society
2) transition, living with it and living it and questions that are too rude to ask on facebook
3) My top is my razorblade: when BDSM becomes self-harm
4) Talk like a man. They already think you're a bitch.
My life is in a great deal of turmoil and I'm actually considering giving up sex. I've always thought I was hypersexual: wanting so much more than hours of masturbation and so much more sex than my husband. Then I find out the people who slut-shame me are having more sex than I am. By orders of magnitude. 48 times in 48 hours, 4 guys in a weekend. And I'm the slut because I love my husband, throw pheremones all over the room and write smut with no apologies or regrets.
But in the last few years, I've learned I'm doing sex wrong, doing kink for the wrong reasons, having orgasms improperly if at all (they only leave me tense, there is no release) and giving my husband a rash (the slight acid irritates his skin). My desire is already low enough that all this just makes me want to quit having sex. I gave up masturbating a couple years ago.
And for me, that's like waking up and finding my eyes are suddenly blue. An integral part of my identity has changed. I'm an autumn, I can't carry blue eyes. I'm a slut. This desire for celibacy has left me feeling very odd indeed,
So pardon the turmoil while menopause, transition and too much introspection have rusted my lust.
We're all very confused here too.